Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence
- what is it?

In regards to others, emotional intelligence refers to your empathetic understanding of other people and your ability to connect and respond, rather than react, to them - to accept their feelings and to encourage the other's acceptance of them.Is it a tall order to assume that we would all like to see ourselves and be seen by others as mature, thoughtful, responsive, empathetic, loving human beings, in control of ourselves? As parents we all want to raise healthy, responsible, creative, loving, considerate children who grow into emotionally mature adults. Often, though, more emphasis appears to be placed on acquiring healthy physical, mental and intellectual capacities while appearing to be less concerned with achieving emotional maturity. Consider the proliferation of Baby Einstein type products and extra curricular activities available today to extend our youngsters intelligence.I'm also often amazed by the inferior emotional reactions of often well educated adults. For instance, I've found it not uncommon to witness a startling intellectual performance by a confident business person, only to have them react with the emotional capability of a six year old when criticised or confronted. And let's face it, a great deal of what counselors observe frequently consists of less than mature emotional reactions to circumstances which appear beyond our control. Let's look at what the main characteristics of emotional intelligence are:Emotional intelligence:
Emotional awareness - the ability to understand feelings and the messages they give
Persistence and perseverance - the ability to show determination to carry a task through - stickability
Optimism - a confident, buoyant and forward thinking positive attitude
An internal locus of control - an understanding of being in control of your own life rather than relinquishing that control to forces outside yourself
A sense of perspective - the ability to see the bigger picture
Resilience - learning the value of mistakes, being able to bounce back and make the necessary changes
Positive thinking - being affirmative in most situations
Supportive social environment - able to seek out and receive help from others
A sense of humor - the ability to laugh at one's self and the difficulties in life
Recognise change - roll with the punches and envelop changes
Purpose - the ability to find meaning in challenges and obstacles
Connection - to one's higher purpose and spirituality
Strength - emotional stamina in adversity and a belief in one's own capabilities We all want to be able to handle stress, anxiety and difficult challenges and to be able to learn and grow from life's hardships. I guess we would all desire to achieve our full emotional potential in terms of intelligence and resilience. It seems astonishing to me, not to want to consider putting effort and energy into maturing on all levels of our being, and wanting this for our children too.To a certain extent your emotional intelligence is determined by your genes, however, it is also a learned response, too. It can be learned, it can be taught, mentored, emulated, and modeled.Indeed as parents we do all of the above constantly as we raise our children. It is possible to 'grow up' emotionally, to have a maturing emotional capability. The question is:How do we build emotional intelligence and resilience, both within ourselves and within our children? Find out more here:Building Emotional Intelligence and ResilienceWe need to be able to step back, allow ourselves the time to feel our feelings and to look for the messages they convey to us. We need to understand why we feel in particular ways and what these feelings mean for us. Then we are able to change negative emotions into positive ones. Working with Emotional IntelligenceHere are some useful steps to take in working with emotional intelligence. If this is new to you, be kind, gentle and patient with yourself as you open to different and more vigorous ways of thinking and being. Social Competence - developing social intelligenceSocial competence is learned by children through observation and participation. Children learn social competence from how their parents treat them, and how their parents treat others. Then they put it into practice on each other. Happy Child - helping our children to express their feelingsThere is a great deal we as parents can do to help our children to acknowledge and express their feelings, to become a happy child.How to express emotions through talkingTalking about how we feel is really one of the most adequate ways of expressing feelings. It takes courage, timing, opportunity and a good listener. This is important.Releasing emotions through cryingCrying is a natural way of releasing emotions from our bodies. Those, for whom crying comes easily, often remark about how much better they feel after a good cry. But for many, there is much fear associated with appearing vulnerable and letting go, shame about being seen to cry, or a life time of suppressed tears that just will not come.